Monday, February 1, 2010

"All the Single Ladies" A Blog for You

Marriage Enemy #1: We Got To Fight the Powers That Be!

I wrote this April 26, 2006, a year before I met my husband. These things I wrote, I still feel about singleness. So, this goes out to all the most fabulous women I know out there. Around the time I wrote this, a friend challenged me publicly saying “Caarne hates being single. She thinks it’s the worse thing in the world.” I quickly corrected her by saying, “That is not true. I live a very fabulous life. I just don’t intend on spending it alone. Remember this day, because this time next year, you will be sitting around this single table, and I declare… I won’t!” Enjoy and happy Love Month and Black History Month!
~In Christ, Caarne White

"If singleness is a gift, what is the return policy?"

Dear Ladies:

I know we all have busy lives and plenty of things to keep us moving, like work, school, children or even hobbies. We all have spiritual lives to maintain, keeping a healthy relationship with Christ. Although this is true, I am sure the question has popped into your head from time to time, in the midst of all your going and doing, "Will I ever be married or find a husband?" Even if you are dating someone.

This entire notion perplexes me deeply, because the reality is we are getting older, and virtually living this adult life without biblical companionship. I try to keep quiet about it, as I'm sure you do. It is not politically, socially and unfortunately neither is it Christian-like to mention the woes of singe life as a woman. We are encouraged to believe that a man will drop from the sky and light will hit our eyes perfectly and he will whisk us off into the sunset. And that will be the answer to this 10 to 15 year drought of adulthood without biblically confirmed God-fearing companionship.


It is sad to say that the world’s thoughts and culture coincide with much of contemporary Christian thoughts and culture concerning ideas on marriage. There is this false sense that singleness is a tremendous gift from God and those that are not content with this status are in essence equally discontent with God. I beg to offer this is far from the truth and simply not so. If most were honest, they would say, "if singleness is a gift, what is the return policy?" Of course, it is good to make light, but there is no light in living years and years alone, while men make no moves toward commitment and prolong their lives of adolescence. Especially women like you, so deserving and so faithful. Trying to do the things your families always admonished you to do. Live a good life. Get education. Own your own home. Believe in yourself. Achieve your goals and pursue your calling. But no one thought enough to say the most innate and earnest desire: oh yeah, be wed, have children, grow a family.

Jesus spoke on marriage and the gift of singleness in Matthew 19. He made it clear that life-long celibacy/singleness was for only a select few. It is quite biblical and Christ like to pursue marriage to give of your natural gifts as a woman. It is not something that should be shunned or suppressed, but a goal ordained by God to fill the gaping hole in our lives. It is commanded of us to be fruitful and multiply. I am sure some of you must be thinking, "Well I can be complete in God, and shame on you to be a minister and not feel complete without a mate!" Well, maybe you don't feel that harsh, but something of the sort. But in my defense I have a fully thriving daily walk with God and I know Christ very well and seek him daily. It is not a matter of him being enough, but a matter of life more fulfilled when shared by another.

This has been heavy on my heart, and after reading a book entitled "Getting Serious About Getting Married: Rethinking The Gift of Singleness" so much of my anguish was released. I encourage you all to get it. (ASAP) Please pass this along to other friends to encourage them. Also, see the next blog for excerpts from the book. It will help you when faced with questions or comments concerning this season in your life.

I love you dearly and believe God is moving as he always has and always will. Email me with your thoughts and concerns on the issue. Be joyful!

~In Christ,

Caarne Elliott

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