Monday, July 2, 2012

When Mothering Becomes More than Cute Clothes and Good Food

Matthew 6:25 NKJV "Therefore I say to you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink; nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?"

Six weeks ago, I had my own personal major event at the Georgia Dome in downtown Atlanta. I waddled out of the van with my family to celebrate the commencement exercises of a young lady in our family being graduated from high school. It must have been 35-40 people there to let her know how proud we were of her accomplishments and outstanding grades. My oldest daughter Journee and I had been out all day, running errands prior. We were dressed coordinated in gray, yellow and white. I was happy all day. She and I shopped, ate real good, and enjoyed each other. Although, we were both tired by the graduation, we were still ready for family time. Almost seven and a half months pregnant, with one step into the parking lot, I knew something was wrong. There was no certain urge to use the restroom, yet as it was, I was going. For the next twenty minutes, as we joined the great delegation of graduation attendees, I went... to the restroom. The only thing about it, I was not going to the restroom at all. My water had broken. That night I was admitted to the hospital, and after a week on hospital bed rest, my husband and I became the proud parents of a second daughter named Angelina.

Six weeks later, I have watched a 2lbs. 11oz. fighter grow away from my home, my arms, my care. I had to view her through an isolated box, unable to provide all the things I pride myself on providing Journee daily. Bathing, clothing, feeding, nurturing, and loving the way I believed best a mother can. A few weeks ago, after another battle with infection, I watched her go without food for more than ten days. I must have appeared entranced with the incubator, eyeballing her every movement, not missing one inflection of heart rate or drop in blood oxygen. I didn't realize my head was almost at a 45 degree angle, body was limp and tears were streaming until a nurse stopped to ask me was I okay. At that moment, I heard the voice of God ask me "Is not her life more than meat and her body more than raiment?" This King James version of the verse rang loud in my head. Yet I couldn't stop myself from audibly responding "But that's all I got." I couldn't think of one thing I could give her. I have to pump because she is unable to nurse, but even so, food was not an option at that point. I had to embrace her with my eyes. Hungry and naked. That's when I heard God say, "But it's not all I got!" Then I began to pull myself together. I thought about the next few verses in the passage that speaks of God's care for birds of the air and lilies of the field. Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. The birds and lilies have total dependence upon God. I recalled further the verse that says worry will not add one cubit to Angelina's stature. Verses 33 and 34 says "But seeks first the kingdom of God, and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added unto you. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about its own things. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble." NKJV

I implore you to learn the great lesson I learned. There are some things only God can do. We fall apart often times when we think only we can do it. And the reason why we can't has nothing to do with our ability. It has everything to to do with our life being more than food and clothes. More than even a mother's love. When I am unable to love my babies the best way I know, I have to trust that God can love them better than me. And because of that, He deserves all the honor in their lives. The sickness, health, failures and successes, may they always glorify Him, not mommy. Jesus came for their life to be abundant, and together, we must praise His name. The blind man was determined blind for such a purpose. "And His disciples asked Him, saying, 'Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?' Jesus answered, 'Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but that the works of God should be revealed in him.'" John 9:2-3 NKJV

Angelina means little messenger of God. She is now 4lbs. 1 oz. A tiny messenger, yet delivering a big message. God's got it! He has your children, your marriage, your career, your life! He has it. Try God at His word today. Just try Him! I promise you, the power you lack, He has! I'm a better mother because now I know.

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